Monday, February 11, 2013

This probably isn't the article the makers of "Boobzies" had in mind

Amanda Boobzie in her
"Just Hang Out" shirt.
As a beer blogger, I get maybe 10-15 e-mails a day from breweries and marketing firms promoting beers, beer events, and beer related products hoping I'll write about them.  Usually, I can tell just from the subject line if I'll have any interest.  So the other day, when an e-mail landed in my inbox with the subject line "BEER ACCESSORY PITCH: Boobzie: Man's Perfect Coozie!", I did not have high expectations for its contents, but of course had to take a look.

The message cheerfully opened with  "Hi!  For your upcoming stories, please consider Boobzie, a line of voluptuous coozies for canned and bottled beverages. Boobzie is the perfect accessory for any guy's hand looking to keep their drink cold and fun!"  As you can see from the picture to the right, the product really has to be seen to be believed.  That's right, they're selling beer coozies shaped as busty female torsos adorned with supposedly clever breast related puns.
Go to the company's website and you'll find no fewer than 24 different Boobzies, an astonishing level of creativity for what seems like a highly one note product.  I should warn if you mistakenly add an "s" to "Boobzie" and go to "", you'll end up at a completely different website also featuring women's breasts but leaving a lot less to the imagination.  
All the Boobzies even have names.  There's a Boobzie called Wanda, wearing a shirt saying "U Can't Touch This", while Amanda Boobzie displays "Just Hang Out".  Then there's the athletic soccer playing Samira Boobzie sporting a shirt saying "World Cups", while Becky Boobzie displays the simple and direct message "Boobalicious". 
Now as a heterosexual male, I've been a fan of voluptuous female breasts ever since the day my hormones kicked in at the age of twelve.   But fondling synthetic breasts made of insulating material while I hold onto a beer seems to take this appreciation a bit too far.  A Boobzie just doesn't seem like the accessory that's going help make me appear more "classy".  And of course, there will be those outraged by the concept, complaining these "women" certainly have breasts but lack both a brain and a face.  
But let be said that each Boobzie is more than just a pair of big breasts. Each one has an actual personality.  As the e-mail goes on to explain, "Each Boobzie girl comes with an entertaining back story and fun facts such as:
· Hobbies
· Likes
· Dislikes
· Education
· Favorite Color
· Favorite Food
· Relationship Status
One can only imagine what a Boozie personality is actually like, but it's a safe bet the target audience of Boobzies won't find these personalities particularly challenging or complex.
As anyone would easily predict, the female publicist of Boobzies had no interest engaging in a discussion of gender issues raised by this product.  When I responded to her e-mail asking, "As a woman, how do you honestly think and feel about this product?" she gamely wrote back, "I think it's a fun little accessory that lightens up my day and my mood! I have never seen anything like it and think it's unique." 
Fair enough.  I just hope she believes there's no such thing as bad publicity.


  1. Wow. Thanks for sharing.

    I think for this product, there actually is no such thing as "bad publicity". Like you, I have no interest in owning one of these, but I have to admire the cleverness behind it. Reading through their website is amusing, and the male pig in me was certainly intrigued. I am quite certain there is a market.

  2. what's really bad about this product is that the makers gave them all "personalities' and "likes". i get the novelty of the squishy boobies- it's funny. ha ha. But then to actually give the "girls" personalities- especially when they have no head/face/brain- that's stupid and offensive.